You scheduled the appointment. But now you’re worried. What if I cry? What if I can’t talk? What if I don’t know what to say?
You’re not alone in these thoughts. If you’ve never been to therapy, it can feel intimidating. You’re sitting with a stranger talking about personal things. Many of us aren’t used to that. It’s normal to feel nervous.
If you remember one thing from this article: no matter how you are in therapy, your therapist is there to support you. You can cry, go quiet, or feel upset. Their job is to help you with those feelings. All you have to do is show up.
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The First Session Is About Getting to Know One Another
Your therapist doesn’t expect you to dive into hard topics during the first session. You’re meeting for the first time. Most people need to build some trust first.
The first session is usually about getting to know each other. Your therapist will ask about what brought you there and what you’re hoping for from therapy. You can also ask them questions. You might want to ask:
- How do sessions usually work?
- What if I don’t know what to say?
- What’s your experience helping people with [whatever you’re dealing with]?
You Don't Need to Talk about Everything
Many people feel anxious about discussing why they’re seeking therapy. That’s often deeply personal. It’s okay if you’re not ready to talk about it yet. You’ll likely feel more comfortable as you get to know your therapist.
If you feel up for it, you can share a general overview. This can help your therapist give you an idea of how they can help. If saying it out loud is what feels hard, you can write it down and hand it to them.
You can also see how you feel during the first session to decide. Just know that you can always tell your therapist that you’re not ready to discuss something.
You Can Tell Your Therapist You're Nervous
Therapy is different – it’s a space where someone is focused on helping you. You can tell your therapist how you’re feeling, even if it’s something you couldn’t say to anyone else. Everything stays between you two (unless you say you’re going to hurt yourself or someone else).
This means you can show up as you are. You can cry, be upset, or freeze up. You don’t have to manage the situation or hide how you’re feeling. Your job is just to share what’s going on for you.
If you want some tools to help with anxiety before you go, see our Managing Healthcare Anxiety page. Things like fidget toys, cold water, and grounding techniques can help.
Helpful Phrases
If your mind goes blank or you don’t know what to say, you can say:
- “I’m not sure what to say”
- “Can I think about that?”
- “My mind went blank”
- “I’m really nervous right now”
- “Can you ask me some questions?”
If you’re not ready to answer a question, you can say:
- “I’m not ready to talk about that yet”
- “That’s hard for me to talk about”
If you need a break, you can say:
- “Can we pause for a minute?”
- “I need a minute”
You also don’t need to say anything at all, especially if you’re crying or you freeze up. A good therapist will give you space and time. And they’ll help guide the conversation.
Making your first therapy appointment takes courage. That same courage can help you go to the session even if you feel nervous or anxious. Try to remember that all you have to do is show up.
If you want to learn more about what happens in therapy, visit our pages on:
